Getting the Most
from Online Match Makers

Here's a useful tool from Tony Robbins in Get the Edge. If you are angry, depressed, discouraged or feeling hopeless, ask yourself, What would I have to believe in order to feel this way?

In order to feel many of those emotions, you would have to believe that you you are always at the effect of things, and can do nothing to change things.

Most of the time, you will quickly realize it is not at all realistic to believe something like this.

Think about how powerful this is for a minute. Apply it to something that bothers you. See what you would have to believe to feel the way you do -- you'll begin to realize that we often make things bigger in our mind than they really are, and realize that you don't really believe the disempowering thing.

This will get you to the point where you can begin to feel empowered to take charge of your life, and begin doing the things that will get the results you are after.

Ready to Get to the Personal Ads Now, or Think More About What You Want, First?

If you're ready now, click here to jump down for more on the best match makers on the web!

Or, to reflect a little more, read on.

Preparing Yourself

Are there things you need to do to prepare yourself?

Dating and meeting people can be fun, but it can also be stressful, especially first dates, or dating after a divorce or breakup.

If you need a bit of preparation, maybe there is a source of practical wisdom you know of, such as an author whose advice speaks to you, but haven't consulted for awhile.

If your source of inspiration comes from the spiritual, think about renewing or deepening your connection to that source. If you feel overwhelmed by your circumstances, this can help a great deal.

If you feel caught in a rut, think back to a time in your life when you felt like you were doing exactly what you wanted to be doing, with just the right person, or people. You can be there again!

What about personal appearance? Most of us have flaws, but many things can be improved. Need to lose weight? Begin it. Been thinking about having the eyes done for a fresher look? Investigate it, it's not that expensive. What about wardrobe? You get the idea.

Adjusting Your Mindset

When was the last time you did something that you were really excited about? Not just a new car, hairstyle, or a new outfit, but something that was a meaningful step in the direction of who you want to be and what you want to have in your life? It's not so hard to start taking steps down that path!

The point is, to paraphrase Napoleon Hill and Goethe, that once you make a commitment to a new start and you have a "definite major purpose", you will start seeing things you didn't see before, and doors will open to you that would not have opened before. Take action.

We sometimes get caught up in the way the world wants to define us, slowly accepting the way things are, not even realizing that we may have simply given up trying to realize a vision that we have for our lives.

A big part of this vision for most people is sharing life with someone who is compatible emotionally, intellectually, and physically. And this is why you are here, reading about where to find an internet match maker.

As you browse these internet match makers, keep in mind what you want, and remember that your past does not have to equal your future...think of what is possible for you, if you take a few steps toward making it happen!

And, don't forget to go to the home page and check out the online dating articles.

And hey, don't forget to have fun.

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The Best Match Makers on the Internet:
What Are They Like?

To start getting a feel for choosing a match maker on the web, the best approach is to take a look at the information below, and go to these sites to view photos of singles and browse personal ads.

In most cases, you can sign up for free to decide if you want to stay and upgrade your level of service.

This may seem obvious, but you need to put your personal ad and photo out there for a while. It's usually free untl you start contacting singles by email. And you need to do a few searches at different times.

What does this tell you? Whether a particular match maker has the types of singles you are looking for, and who are looking for you.

Some parts of the country may have more singles than others, and a higher concentration of a certain age group than others.

For example, one visitor told us that there are more...how did he put it... "hot attractive ladies in their 40's in California and Florida...".

Ladies, the same may hold true for certain types of men you have in mind, so you need to check around.

So, a free search of pictures and personal ads will help to give you a feel for the right online match maker for you.

Many singles have found these major matchmaking sites to be a good place to start.

For more specific interests, like Christian singles, alternative dating, adult personals, or Russian brides, select from the left or from the links at the bottom the home page.

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Yahoo Personals - Yahoo! has joined the ranks of online matchmaking sites, and by all accounts we know of, they're doing a great job.

Being new, they are attracting many singles who have tried other online dating sites and are looking for something new. For this reason alone we recommend checking them out.

But we also like their fresh, easy to use interface which makes it easy to navigate. You can also save photos and profiles which interest you with one click.

And, check this out -- Yahoo Personals has a feature called Icebreakers, where you can send free messages to other members.

There is also a great feature called Likely Likeables. With one click, you can see photos of people similar to one that you know you like. Follow this link to post a free ad and see photos of singles at Yahoo Personals.

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eHarmony is a highly acclaimed match maker where you can find someone compatible based on scientific matching criteria.

They have a very thorough, lengthy questionnaire (ask us how we know!) designed to provide you with the best match based on values, and life outlook in 29 major categories.

But it's well worth it when you consider that you're spending a few extra minutes for what might be a lifetime of happiness.

We thought, what about that undefinable something you feel when there is a match - no questionnaire can tell you that.

But if that chemistry is there, and you know there is a basis for it, then you just may have something that is hard to find.

Has eHarmony changed its matching procedure?

When we first reviewed eharmony a while back, this is what we said:

"There is one thing we think they should improve. Some people (not anyone we know, of course) have questionnaire results which place them in the 20% of people for which eHarmony says it is hard to find a match for, based on their criteria.

These people can't use the site to find matches.

We think that instead of saying to these people something that sounds a little like, "Sorry, you're so weird that no one would like you" (well, it's not quite like that, they offer an explanation), they should develop other criteria within those 20% to allow those people to hook up with other...uh...outcasts in the 20%.

Not that we personally know anyone to whom this has happened, you understand (cough)."

We recently took eHarmony's detailed matchmaking questionnaire again, and found that we were, in fact, accepted this time and have been generating matches.

We have not undergone any dramatic personality changes, so it is possible that eHarmony may have changed its procedures in this respect, or, maybe it is just due to chance. Let us know what your experience is.

Either way, we think eHarmony is based on solid principles, and suggest that you check it out.

Here's where we first took a free match makers tour at eHarmony.

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We like the many features and great variety of people at Match.com. They have recently redesigned the site, and we find it much easier to use.

Definitely one of the biggest and best match makers, Match.com was called the "gold standard of online dating services" by Forbes magazine. This matchmaking site has approximately five million members, and has played match maker for more than 1,000 marriages.

If you're pressed for time, Match.com has an email service which will search the personal ads and send your matches to you automatically. If you decide to make contact with someone by email, the system protects the anonymity of both people.

There is one recent change they made which we don't like. Now, to see more than one picture of someone, you have to become a paid subscriber. Before this change, it was free to see all photos posted by someone you are interested in before deciding to subscribe and contact them.

We don't think it's a good idea, or even a good business strategy, anytime benefits are taken away with nothing given back to compensate.

But there are still other great features at Match.com that we think are of value, and we still recommend them because of the great number of singles that are online there.

One great feature is that you can not only do a keyword search, but you can subscribe to certain keywords, and have the results sent to you by email. The keyword search alone is something that you will not find at all match makers on the web.

We also like a feature they have at Match.com called Happen Magazine, which has articles and advice on a myriad of dating topics.

Match.com has recently added text messaging for AT&T, Cingular, amd Nextel cell phone users.

Find out why Business Week says it's now 100% socially acceptable to sign up for Match.com.

Back to Top - Best Matchmakers

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Lavalife is a matchmaking site you should definitely check out. You can sign up instantly for free in one of three areas (or all three): Dating, Relationship, or Intimate Encounters.

You can search singles who are now on the site with photos only, and if you wish, only in your area. If you join, you can have access to more photos of singles, and these are often much more intimate.

There are some great articles here, such as this one:

Online Dating Deal Breakers

Deal-breaker: "Spray and Pray": This is when a person sends out a whole bunch of non-specific, impersonal emails (The Spray) and then plays the odds that somebody will take the bait and respond (The Pray).

Deal-breaker: Searching for Veterinarian Barbie: Another deal-breaker is being so specific in your profile you come off as shallow and overly picky.

Deal-breaker: No Boundaries: One of the biggest blunders is asking inappropriate or overly personal questions while emailing or chatting, such as "Do you have any pictures of yourself in a bikini?" or "How much money do you make?"

Lots of women state that bringing up sex too soon is a deal-breaker for them. One woman said, "If a guy brings up sex right away..."

Well, you get the idea, this is one example of an article which will give you a lot to think about. You can read the rest of the article here by doing a quick, free signup at Lavalife, and go to the article archive in the Relationship section.

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Date.com is one of the higher volume match makers on the net, with a very large variety of people with pictures and profiles. We recommend taking a look.

Click here to see photos and personal ads of women for free at Date.com.

Click here to see photos and personal ads of men for free at Date.com.

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One of our favorite matchmaking sites which you may not have heard of is IWantU. They also have three areas to choose from - Dating, Adult Matchmaking, and Alternative Matchmaking.

They have some great features, including Chat, and have recently redesigned their site to include even more features, like Instant Messaging and Live Webcam.

When you browse the photos and personal ads, you realize the quality and variety here. In fact, they say that the singles here range from regular working class people to famous models and actors as well as business professionals.

Click here to see photos and personal ads of singles for free at IWantU, another great matchmaking site.

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Friendfinder, another large online match maker, has chat rooms, instant messaging, and you can post a question, article, or poem in their Relationship Magazine written for and by members. You can also respond to those looking for advice in the Magazine.

There is even a Relationship Workshop where you can fine-tune your skills. With the help of expert match makers, you can work on improving self esteem, learn to flirt and ask someone out, prepare for a successful first date, determine the next steps, and deal with the possibility of long term commitment.

The Relationship Workshop starts out with a quiz, shown here, in part:

Then, you can move to the area shown below, which is customized for you based on your quiz answers. It's a good starting place, it's fun, and gives you a framework and some things to think about and... things to act on!

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Getting the Most from Online Match Makers

by Getting the Most From Yourself

Getting the Most
from Online Match Makers