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Why Dating Can Be Hard, and What to do About it
September 22, 2003
Why Dating Can Be Hard, and What to do About itThank you for subscribing to our e-zine from A Cut Above - Online Dating.com.
Let me ask you a few questions.
Are you recently out of a relationship that went bad...there seemed to be no way of fixing it, and yet when you look around at the singles scene, no one appeals to you, and you can't bear the thought of being "out there" again?
Maybe, after a long period of being down, you started feeling hopeful about a new beginning... but after being out at the bar scene a few times, maybe you're considering going back to that bad relationship, no matter how destructive it may have been to your self esteem?
Then, just when you think it can't get any worse...
...you're listening to the radio and you hear the lyrics, "...You can't be with someone new, and you can't go back to him (her)...Every night it's the same old crowd in smoky rooms...You catch a faint glimpse of love sometimes, but it never blooms...", from the song "Last Worthless Evening" by Don Henley.
Do you know the feeling of desperation that can slowly cloud your existence?
Let me ask you another question point blank:
Doesn't all of this suck?
Don't you hate it when you feel stuck, and don't know what to do, when every alternative seems bad?
Something inside of you knows, instinctively, that you are meant for something better than what you have been experiencing, yet it seems so elusive...so elusive, in fact, that you might even settle for what may not be right for you.
Well, the bad news is that if you can identify with any of this, then you are the one who is accountable. I didn't say you are causing it, just that you are accountable.
Yes, you read right.
It's all your responsibility to do something about it. No one is going to live your life for you.
But there is some good news as well. In fact, it's incredible news.
You can take the same situation that is causing you to feel stuck, and turn it around and use it to take control .
You need to stop looking at things from a perspective of lack. Stop it. Realize that there are attractive singles of either sex, of any age, everywhere.
They are about as rare as convenience stores, bad drivers, or waitresses with fake boobs at Hooter's.
It will take effort, and getting out of your comfort zone but the more you shake yourself and act as if what is true is true, the more successful you'll be in finding the kind of person you are looking for.
Now, don't get me wrong, as far as going back to someone, in the example above. People are capable of incredible accomplishments. People can change, and if you think someone is sincere about changing their ways, you might consider giving the relationship another chance.
But what is the norm in human behavior, as far as change is concerned? The norm is that people don't change very much. We are more likely to default to our usual way of doing things...unless we have strong motivation for changing.
If you have read this far, you have strong motivation for changing.
If you have been reading and nodding your head all along, then it's time for you to take control of the situation.
How to Stop Acting From a Position of Lack, and Start Meeting the Kind of People You Are Looking For
This is getting a little lengthy, so let me parallel park the bus for you.
You need to realize that many of the very same people you are looking for are also facing the same kinds of obstacles and feelings that are plaguing you.
Many of them may be looking for someone like you right now, from one of the online dating services we review at www.ACutAbove-OnlineDating.com.
So, to sum all of this up:
1) Stop living in the illusion that attractive single people are rare. You can search online dating services for singles around the world if you want to.
2) Start raising your standards, and at the same time, work on areas you need to improve, focus on having a great life, start being more selective. Define what you want.
3) Put the entire idea of "the objective is to get married", or "to be in a relationship", aside for the time being, so that your situation no longer has negative leverage over you, forcing you to settle too soon.
Yes, these things can still be your ultimate objective. But take the attitude that attractive single people are everywhere, and by using an online dating service, you'll find them. You do not need to act from a position of lack or neediness.
If the one you've just met doesn't work out, it will take you all of 30 seconds to indentify more possibilities online. Your response to any meeting which does not work out needs to be "Next"!
Anything worthwhile will take some effort, and this process is not always easy. But in any endeavor in life, what you are looking for is the greatest return on the least amount of effort. You are looking for the best use of your time and other resources, like money.
Using an online dating service allows you to do just that. The bar scene, and other hit or miss ways of meeting people, can be the most effort with the least return. It can be a waste of time, as well as being costly.
It can also deplete another resource -- your health for the next day, if you drink too much and don't get enough sleep. Not to mention the risk of drinking and driving.
Remember, it's important to actually do something, to take action.
Here is another line from the song mentioned above: "...There are just so many summers, and just so many springs."
So, what do you do now? What are the best online dating sites?
You guessed it, we just happen to have some suggestions.
First, a tip for the guys.
I hate to tell you this, but we can be as clueless as Homer Simpson when he was...well, doing almost anything.
For more about why, and exactly how you can be more successful with the ladies, do yourself and the ladies a favor, and check out the best dating advice and tips for guys. we have found on the planet. Really. It's quality. Check it out.
For both ladies and guys: A great all around global online dating service for everyone can be found at Match.com. You can search locally, nationally, or search the world. They have recently redesigned the site. It's easier to use, you can post a free profile and "wink" for free at other members here.
One of the newest and best, Yahoo Personals has gained a great following, and is one of the best online dating sites to search locally.
We really like their "Icebreaker" feature -- It's free to send a short message to other singles to let them know you're interested.
If a Christian single dating site appeals to you, check out our page dedicated to Christian singles and the best dating sites at
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